The Night Before Christmas (Sort Of)

‘Twas the night before Christmas
And all ‘round the rooms
Not a soul was a-stirring
(or so I assumed)
When up from the roof
There arose a great crash
And I jumped from my bed
And donned my pants in a flash
In bare feet and boots
I went into my yard
And the sight that I saw
Hit my ego quite hard
For I’d always maintained
A stiff-necked belief
That no life could exist
Out in space, and Good Grief!
On my rooftop there perched
Just as plain as could be
A ship not of this earth!
And looked like to me
That whatever poor creature
Was inside that ship
Was in quite a crisis
For the craft had been flipped!
From the side of the shuttle
Popped open a door
And from out of the portal
Came a creature quite sore
This being was strange!
Its build seemed quite abnormal
And the suit that it wore
Appeared very informal
From its face hung a beard
Its body curvilinear
And its head had a point
At the end was a sphere
The colors upon it
In number were two
Just red, and some white
Lacking all other hues
The language the creature
Spoke in was quite weird
Just some “ho-ho’s” and guffaws
Were all I could hear
Then the critter slipped
Into my home through the flume
And I rushed back inside
And found him in MY room
The fellow seemed quite amused
With my trinkets and toys
But then to my dismay
He exploded with noise
But the din soon died down
And my family lay slum’bring
And I saw with delight
that he’d left presents numbering
in the hundreds, in stockings
and under the tree,
Presents here, presents there
For my family and me
But the Varmint was gone
‘Fore I tell him thank you
In his ship he ascended
So I went to the loo
After emptying my bladder
I went back to bed
And the things I had seen
Were soon swirled in my head
In the morning I woke
And the presents we viewed
And for my new iPod
I thank that little dude
So if on Christmas Eve
You meet critters from space
Let them into your house
And they’ll leave gifts in their place