7 a.m.

The sun sets beneath my eyes
they open, it's morning
Waves of the new day wash the sand
of my dream, you, away
and grain by grain
you, my dream,
leave
Breath, held in sleep, releases
My pulse, in rest a frenzied staccato, calms
and grain by grain
I forget that you
were
You, my dream, last night you
were you,
were my reality
and I awake to what isn't
you
Harsh awakeness, a lie
where you
aren't
and the longer my eyes are open,
the more you
weren't
.
.
.

Like Always

My hands are empty
because they can't hold yours
not again, not like that, like before

My lips are empty
they can never kiss yours
not again, not like that, like before

My arms are empty
because they can't hold you
not again, not like that, like before

My heart is empty
which doesn't make sense
it's still filled with you
like that, like before, like always...

You
were gone
so I asked the moon
to give this to you
from me
A paper heart,
and written inside is my hand.
I sent you my hand
so yours wouldn't have to be empty
but even more
so mine wouldn't be empty
because you
were gone
and it was

Empathy

I feel
I feel you
feel you crying
dying
and I cry too
I can feel you in pain
I try to whisper your name
I hear the hurt in your voice
trying to sing it away
I reach
for you
reach as far as I can
but not far enough
that i can pull you by the hand
back
back to me, to life
to light, to laughter
but my reach
falls
short.
I sit
sit up here
gazing down
at you, my heart,
my heart breaking
as you break,
weeping frustration
as you weep
for I cannot reach
cannot lift you
to brush away a single tear
off your perfect
hurting eyes
reflecting our breaking,
hurting souls.
I sit up here
dying
as you
my love, my heart, my light
die
because I just
can't


reach

Winter's end

Alone, I sit
frozen and cold, I sit
here, in darkness,
here, buried
in stone, here I sit.
I wait.
I wait, for barest brush
for weakest whisper
for the tiniest touch
from you.
For you, I wait.
For you, I am here.
For you, brightest sun,
I wait,
For you, warmth and life
and light
to come.
I sit here, waiting
to awaken
at your word
at your light
so I may be
be Who I
Am,
and not
who i am
right now.
For right now,
i am
waiting.

My Christmas song (yes, i know it's a little late. Quit whining)

With brand new eyes you look upon the world
as shining new as anything can be.
Yet knowing who you are,
I start to think,
to wonder what it is you really see.
If you can know we'd find all happiness
in thee

Can you know you'd walk on water,
know you'd give the weak ones strength
that the earth and skies would move beneath your feet?
Do you know that from your blood would come
salvation for us all?
Can you know
someday you'd save me?

A tiny babe, born here among the hay,
A tiny babe, yet master of the earth.
Your mother rocks you gently off to sleep,
with infant's love you smile back up at her.
With lowly shepherds standing as your guard,
and angels, joyous, singing of your birth.

Can you know that with your hands
you'd heal a thousand hurt and sick
That you'd calm the storms and cast waves from the sea?
Do you know that when you're grown you'll give
the greatest gift of all?
Can you know
you'll give that gift to me?

In peace you lay, a pearl cast down to swine,
i see you sleep and wonder what you dream.
The kind of dream that only babies know?
Or dreams about the man you'll grow to be?
That as God's son he had a plan for you,
To give your perfect life to set man free?

Can you know that you'd work miracles
that you'd bring the dead to life
That you'd let deaf ears hear, let blind eyes see?
Did you know you'd rise above all men,
then reach down to lift us up?
did you know that you would
set my heart free?

Tornado

Out of nowhere,

from nothing,

unexpected ,

you came down.

You came down

and danced.

Whirling, spinning,

lost and oblivious

to all but the thunder,

the pounding beat that

has captured you entirely.

You exist, you are, but

only in dance do you live

and only in dance can you be.

But this dance that you are,

in its turns and its steps,

is destruction.

The vortex of joy,

of being, that is you,

tears and breaks everything

in it's path.

Still, you dance, you are.

I am caught in the way, and swept

into your song

and all my gaurds, my fears

and my hide-beihnds

are torn apart, removed,

and ever so gently, obliviously

you lift my heart

and take it for your own.

And you dance on

you dance, you ARE

away...

An E-Hug

Hi Maggie! Hi Susan! I love you guys!

Lost in a moment

I lived.
I lived and I wanted.
I wanted to be,
and in being, to be
an artist. I wanted
to create a masterpiece.
I wanted, so I went
out
and got it.
For canvas, I chose
the world.
On that canvas I
scraped
out
my
soul.
I poured out on it
every tear
that ever dropped from my
eyes
and bled from my
heart.
I threw on to it
every laugh that flew
from my mouth
and every smile
I ever meant.
I burned into it
all the anger that
ever clenched my body
and every shade of hate
ever to
sear
my
soul.
I froze on my canvas
every fear that
stopped my heart
and every anxiety and
worry
that shook my
mind.
Inside my canvas
I lit
every joy, every happy
thought that brightened
just one day
I lived.
I vomited onto my canvas,
I dreamed onto my canvas,
I laid out every part of
me
onto
my canvas,


until I was my canvas


and the artist formerly
known as me
stood back and gazed
on the greatest
Sidewalk-Chalk Mural
ever created
in the history of man
and he wept at its
perfection.
With the fall of his first tear
it began to pour rain.

Timber

*this may be my first semi-legit beat poem. As you read, please pretend it is me, reciting it and accompanying myself with the bongos, and dressed completely in black with sunglasses. NO beret though. My head's too ginormous for hats and my hair's to bushy.

I, Lumberjack
have a knack
for taking whacks
with my axe
to ponderous, proud, pine.
You, tall tree, see me
Approach
and bite blade
to your body.
Noble Pine, stretching high
I make you mine
with each swing, thrust, and cut
I take a chunk, a hunk
from your trunk
until the roots, your roots,
life giving trails and tails
who feed needs and strive
to keep you alive,
the anchors of time,
from which so high you climb,
are cut
off
and you die,
in one fell fall
one deep descending dive
into you doom.
Heralded by my cry, one wailing,
loud lusty sonorous shout
of
TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMMMBBBBBBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRR!
a tree falls in the forest with only me to hear it.
I move on to the next.

Questions

Why did this happen? Why now, so completely out of the blue? What happened to our plans? Everything happy in my life reminded me of you, and right now I need you to not be in my head. I guess that means I can't be happy. Not right now. Every time you told you loved me, I knew it was true. Every time we talked about the future, about how no matter what could be there the one thing we knew was that we would be together for it, I knew it would happen. You were my future. I had you and i had happiness. I was alive. And now you say you can't. You can't do this. I need to focus on my mission. I can't focus on anything but this aching, throbbing hole in my chest. How can my heart still be beating? Every pulse hurts worse because my heart is still yours. Each beat is your name, a name i can't hear right now because every beat makes that hole bigger, makes it hurt worse. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough at being your boyfriend. I'm sorry I couldn't make you feel good enough about being in a relationship with me even though we were so far apart. I love you, I love you more than anything. My love is so strong that the distance didn't exist to me. I guess you didn't love me enough to feel the same. I'm sorry it was so hard for you. I gave you every chance to back out, to see if you could do this before I gave you my soul. I saw this coming when we started, and I let you take away all my concern. You told me you could do this, and I believed you. Every time we talked about where we were going to be, were you just going along with it because it was fun? What did I do wrong? Was my entire life not enough for you? Why would you show how to truly be alive and then just rip that away from me? I need you. This hole is the place where i kept you. At first it was just in my heart and then you started filling more and more space until you filled all of me. And now you're gone, and I've got this hole. Could my body live without a brain? Then how could my soul live without you?

Subtext

3 words
never said enough
I love you
Every part of me
is those 3 words
I love you
Every blink of my eyes
somehow says
I love you
Every breath I breathe
screams
I love you
Each step I take
each sound I make
is those three words
I love you
My heart beats, it pumps
not blood, but 3 words
I love you
For every fallen autumn leaf
I tell you
I love you
For every winter snowflake
snowed, know that
I love you
For every spring flower
every summer shower
I love you
For always, Forever
I love you
I love you
I love you

Treasure Hunt

I call your name
I seek you out
hunt desperately for you
and find
mile after mile after
mile
between us
billions of potential footprints
potential
connecting
my heart
to yours.
I search other places,
the sunset
that we both see
and feel your heart beat
with mine.
I search a brilliant night sky
and see in it
the reflection
of your eyes.
I search in
the most beautiful melodies
and find your voice, your laugh
calling my name.
I search the wind, the breeze
invisibly
and find you, your
scent, your perfume, pure
clean, and perfect.
I search the petals of a flower
the velvet touch, so delicate,
and feel your lips, brushing mine
across a billion steps
and in every beautiful
place and thing
I find only you,
and with you I leave
an infinite embrace
a kiss from my soul
and a piece
of my
heart.

Just freeze, take a breathe
take a plunge, take a lap
because everything's moving too fast where your're at
play catch up before it's too much to control
and fight with your life to stay whole.

Dance like you're on fire
just dance to be free
dance like no ones watching
like no one can see
you can't shake the feeling
that you're not alone
you feel your footprints follow you home

Dance like you're on fire
just dance to be free
dance like no ones watching
like no one can see
you can't shake the feeling
that you're not alone
you feel your footprints follow you home

Bedbugs

Night, enter, creep and cascade
descend down steps of dusk
and embrace your kingdom.
Live, night.
Inhale the illuminations,
the blaze of light
distinguishing day.
Breathe out blacks and blues
release your stars,
and grant the glow
of Mother Moon to
the aural outlines
and shadows, silhouettes
demons and rulers,
gods of the night,
those that would be but
mundane by day, by reality.
Enter, dreams, fantasy and
myth. Real reality retreats, and
that which is and can only be real
by starlight rules.
Dare, dream, imagine and see
possibilities destroyed by day,
sucked dry by sun, now explode
into imagined truth, truth only imagined,
but still true. For
now is night, now is life
that cannot be in awakening hours,
but is now. Nocturnal nocturne,
vital lullaby, sing to life
lies now true and dreams now real.
We are now, we are in night,
and in night,
Day, is but the dream.

Heaven

If all the stars in the night sky were suddenly gone
I'd still always see them twinkling in your eyes.
If every note of every song, if all music up and evaporated into thin air
I'd still hear the most beautiful melody in the world every time I heard you laugh.
If the sun went out and the moon left, and every light on earth burnt out
All I'd ever need is your smile to light my world.
If every blanket, coat, jacket, or sweater disappeared
It wouldn't matter because your embrace, your hand in mine would be warm enough on the coldest night I could ever see.
They say that Heaven is everything beautiful and good in this world.
But if every beautiful, good thing in this world were gone, as long as I still had you I'd be in Heaven.
A flower lasts a day.
A jewel can last forever.
But you, you last for right now, and right now
I will always be in Heaven.

Wish upon a star

I want to be free
free to be me
is to be free.
to be free I need
to feel free to
be me, to break out
and be me, be free,
just to be.
I want to be free
to be free I must see
what can be, and
that I can be free
and that I am me.
I want to be free,
to feel me as I
be, and feel free
to become what might be
and what might be
might still be me,
but me, just me
being free.

Personal ad for a toaster

Handsome, deep toaster with aluminum plating and 3rd and 4th slots
Seeks companion. Same appliance-type preferred, but am very open to anything
But not blenders.
Likes: Bagels, cinnamon bread, and getting it just perfectly golden brown. Enjoys camping and just spending time relaxing unplugged.
Dislikes: any bread with onions in it, cords that are too long, and undercooking things.
I PROMISE NOT TO BURN YOU.

Falling

I took this trip without a map
Seeing you just in the distance
Blindly hoping that I’d find a path
To you
And you’re finally at the end
But you are just below my reach
So I fall, but how I’ll land
I’ve got no clue
I’m only hoping
I’ll land on my feet
With you

I’m falling
Are you waiting
I’m falling,
falling fast
I’m just falling
Will you catch me?
I’ve been falling since
I fell in love with you


The road of life has brought me
To this crossroads with a cliff
Should I run away
Or should I take the plunge?
And an air of indecision
Crams into the air around me
I breathe in deep
It permeates my lungs
With that one breathe
I close my eyes and jump

And now I’m falling
What’s at the bottom?
I’m falling
I’m falling hard and blind
I’m falling,
Will you try to catch me?
I’m only falling now
Because I fell for you

With wind screaming past my ears
I hear your name
And my pounding heart beats faster
All the same
But pulse it makes
Now isn’t meant for me
Since I met you
Yours is all my heart
Could ever hope to be

I’m falling
Will you catch me
I’m falling
I’m falling
To you